I you clicked the link to this article, you know damn well what this is about: pontifications of my prognostications of future destinations of pigskin-playing professionals.
In other words, for those that have not been fortunate/cursed enough to know me: I talk a big game every year about my professional football knowledge as well as college football knowledge, so by the simple act of me declaring it here, I am sure I will be jinxing all of my future foresight. Alas - it is time I finally establish a paper trail of all my hot takes that are sure to turn cold by next season's kickoff.
For the sake of simplicity, I am assuming no trades to take place over the course of this particular draft. However, in the very near future, I shall be releasing an updated version, with predictions of trade-ups, owing to the tricky transacting of a certain Norse-themed franchise this afternoon. I'm sure there will be plenty more deals to come. But for now:
CHICAGO, YOU ARE ON THE CLOCK!
Volume 1
1) Chicago Bears [via Carolina]: Caleb Williams, QB, USC
2) Washington Commanders: Jayden Daniels, QB, LSU
3) New England Patriots: Drake Maye, QB, UNC
4) Arizona Cardinals: Marvin Harrison Jr., WR, Ohio State
5) Los Angeles Chargers: Rome Odunze, WR, Washington
6) New York Giants: Malik Nabers, WR, LSU
7) Tennessee Titans: Joe Alt, OT, Notre Dame
8) Atlanta Falcons: Dallas Turner, DL, Alabama
9) Chicago Bears: Olu Fashanu, OL, Penn State
10) New York Jets: Taliese Fuaga, OL, Oregon State
11) Minnesota Vikings: Terrion Arnold, CB, Alabama
12) Denver Broncos: J.J. McCarthy, QB, Michigan
13) Las Vegas Raiders: Amarius Mims, OL, Georgia
14) New Orleans Saints: Jared Verse, DL, Florida State
15) Indianapolis Colts: Brock Bowers, TE, Georgia
16) Seattle Seahawks: Laitu Latu, DL, UCLA
17) Jacksonville Jaguars: Byron Murphy, DL, Texas
18) Cincinnati Bengals: Troy Fautanu, OL, Washington
19) Los Angeles Rams: JC Latham, OL, Alabama
20) Pittsburgh Steelers: Quinyon Mitchell, CB, Toledo
21) Miami Dolphins: Jackson Powers-Johnson, OL, Oregon
22) Philadelphia Eagles: Nate Wiggins, CB, Clemson
23) Minnesota Vikings [via Houston, via Cleveland] [because that's not confusing]: Johnny Newton, DL, Illinois
24) Dallas Cowboys: Tyler Guyton, OL, Oklahoma
25) Green Bay Packers: Graham Barton, OL, Duke
26) Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Cooper DeJean, CB, Iowa
27) Arizona Cardinals [via Houston]: Chop Robinson, DL, Penn State
28) Buffalo Bills: Brian Thomas, WR, LSU
29) Detroit Lions: Kool-Aid McKinstry, CB, Alabama
30) Baltimore Ravens: Zach Frazier, OL, West Virginia
31) San Francisco 49ers: Jordan Morgan, OL, Arizona
32) Kansas City Chiefs: Ennis Rakestraw, CB, Missouri
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Volume 1 is in the books, and it will only get better from here, that's a promise. I cannot wait to see how poorly this will age. But hey, you gotta start somewhere, right?
As I sit from the taxpayer-funded comforts of my lounge chair at the Bridgewater Public Library, readying to hit the almighty publish button, I wonder where this journey will take me. Probably nowhere, but...
...For a brief moment, I can dream of a brighter future...a future in which legions of fans are free from the mad ramblings of Mel Kiper on draft broadcasts all weekend long...for he shall be usurped by none other than...
-Espo
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P.S. If you want to try out your own mock draft, check out this Draft Simulator website. It's absolutely wonderful - but beware - this guy I know once spent an entire afternoon simulating different scenarios for every team from 2017 to the current day. And don't ask me who it was, because, uh...um...forget it.
