Good afternoon, good people of Planet Earth! Although I've been hit with a nasty case of writer's block, I'm still going to publish an entry this week. With that in mind, I appreciate you bearing with me as I battle this bout of literary limp-dick intellectual impotence.
I hope your 2024 has gotten off to a pleasant start. Hopefully more pleasant of a time than the Washington Huskies football team had on Monday night. Looks like the Espo curse is the most fatal of all; if you were a square like me, you thought taking the underdog was the right pick. The Wolverines tore through that pick with aplomb, and so a jolly good fellow, I was not.
But the news I woke up to this morning most certainly had me singing a different tune. Bill Belichick, the architect of football's greatest dynasty, but more importantly, a lifetime of misery for this Jets fan, is stepping down as head coach/general manager/puppet master of the New England Patriots. A truly unprecedented era of gridiron greatness has finally reached its end.
The Tide has Rolled, folks; January 10th, 2024 will indeed go down in sports history as the end of an era. Belichick in Boston, Nick Saban in Tuscaloosa, and Pete Carroll in Seattle. Three masters of their craft, running their longtime teams no more. In the case of Saban, he's calling it quits from coaching altogether. I'd say he's more than earned it. But will old Saint Nick stay retired? Will Carroll find a new club or stick around in Seattle?
With regards to Belichick, the prospect of retirement doesn't seem likely. I think the old dog still wants to show the world he's still got some juice left in the tank for last run at a dynasty. So the question of Bill's job future isn't an "if" or a "when". It's a "where". And the answer to that question, only he knows. Perhaps his wife knows. Maybe his sons as well. Yet most assuredly, his agent, as well as the cognoscenti of the Los Angeles and Washington franchises.
If it's truly the end of the line for this league of extraordinary gentlemen, then so long, and thank you. It's a beautiful thing when leaders leave on top of their game and make way for new generations - instead of clinging onto power far too long past their primes. If only another organization could adopt such a mentality...
On another note, I would like to apologize for breaking last week's promise to play vinyl on my next show. I'll try not to make a habit of it. To my credit though, New Jersey saw Forrest Gump-in-Vietnam levels of rain on Tuesday night. And thus, it was not worth the risk of getting valuable records damaged in the storm. I hope you can forgive my cowardice. I'll be back with the goods next week, as long as Mother Nature cooperates. But no more promises - such things are for important people, like politicians, to break, not a schmuck like me.
Have I digressed enough? Before we get to the tunes, I just have one more point to make about the now former Sith Lord of New England. Well, maybe more than one:
Do you think Bill Belichick is the GOAT?
Or, do you think Belichick is a CHEAT?
I also think we should let the facts speak for themselves, but ultimately, let the overall body of work be the proverbial last word. Lastly, I think whatever sins he committed as puppet master of the Patriots can be forgiven, because at the end of the day, it's all in the game.
So dare I say it, even his backstabbing betrayal of my beloved and beleaguered Jets can be forgiven. It's ok, fellow sufferers. Let's be honest - avoiding this dumpster fire of a franchise is the smartest decision he's made his entire career. Any fool can draft Tom Brady with the 199th overall pick in the draft, but it takes a genius to...wait...what am I even saying. Good riddance, you Machiavellian man - I surely will not miss you ruining my Sundays anymore. But as a wise man once said: "I pure straight HATE you. But god damnit, do I respect you."
And on that note, we're on to Cincinnati on to the music:
Episode 10 Setlist
TRACK: Genesis
ARTIST: Justice
TRACK: Take Me to the River
ARTIST: Al Green
TRACK: Ohio
ARTIST: Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
TRACK: Calm the Storm
ARTIST: Graffiti6
TRACK: Mr. Big Stuff
ARTIST: Jean Knight
TRACK: When the Levee Breaks
ARTIST: Led Zeppelin
TRACK: Green River
ARTIST: Creedence Clearwater Revival
TRACK: Family Affair
ARTIST: Sly and the Family Stone
TRACK: Mama
ARTIST: Genesis
TRACK: Rose Quartz
ARTIST: Toro y Moi
TRACK: Chaiyya Chaiyya
ARTIST: Sukhwinder Singh and Sapna Awasthi
TRACK: Love Is a Long Road
ARTIST: Tom Petty
TRACK: No Time
ARTIST: The Guess Who
TRACK: Tainted Love
ARTIST: Gloria Jones
TRACK: Hard Times
ARTIST: Baby Huey
TRACK: Interstate Love Song
ARTIST: Stone Temple Pilots
TRACK: Riders on the Storm (Fredwreck Remix)
ARTIST: The Doors feat. Snoop Dogg
TRACK: I Ran
ARTIST: A Flock of Seagulls
[when writing my notes for the show, I accidentally typed the artist as 'A Glock of Seagulls' and now I can't shake the image of birds flying out of the barrel of a gun like bullets; an aviary arsenal of sorts, inspired by the rolling thunder of the choppers in Apocalpyse Now. And for maximal dramatic effect, play Wagner's "Ride of the Valkyries" the way Satan intended - at full volume]
TRACK: California Soul
ARTIST: Marlena Shaw
TRACK: Sleep Walk
ARTIST: Santo & Johnny
TRACK: You Keep Me Hanging On
ARTIST: Vanilla Fudge
TRACK: Eleanor Rigby
ARTIST: The Beatles
TRACK: Inner City Blues (Make Me Wanna Holler)
ARTIST: Marvin Gaye
TRACK: I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire
ARTIST: The Ink Spots
TRACK: Time Is Running Out
ARTIST: Muse
_
I've got places to go, people to see, and blog posts to wrap up. So with that said, only conspiracy theories about the greatest coach of all time's next location will be accepted from here on out. Here's mine: Belichick and Saban are both retiring from football to launch a presidential bid together.
I actually wasn't supposed to tell you this, but I'm already working for them as a campaign communications director. We're going to be siphoning independent voters from all the swing states, it's perfect. Wait...SHIT. I hope I didn't just blow my cover!
In the meantime, you are free to take a crack at the Twofer Tuesday trivia for Episode 10. Winner gets a haiku written in their honor and read live on next week's show. And for the losers, your punishment is having to endure another episode of the Espo Experience. I shall see you next week, suckers.
Oh yeah, one last thing. On that titular topic of empires - we've seen a great many of them throughout the course of human history. And one immutable law of them is that they always fall. It may take four years. A hundred years. A thousand years. But when they do, they never go quietly. Never gracefully. Never gently. Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Beware the Ides of March,
Espo
_
Every Tuesday night. 9pm-11pm. Tune in to THE ESPO EXPERIENCE!
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_
Alas.
One final point:
Old Bill's "Patriot Act" was only the
second most controversial
consolidation of power
we've seen this century
...
...
...
...
so far.