Hi, I'm Espo, and I eat, sleep, and breathe sports on the regular. If you've spent more than five minutes with me at any point, ever, you may find this to be a bit of an understatement. From dunks to dingers, hat tricks to hot dog eaters, and touchdowns to TKOs, you name it - I love it all!
For me, sports are the highest form of entertainment. Watching a game or match, not knowing what the outcome will be, is generally a wonderful time (so long as you're not a Jets fan). And as someone who loves having certainty in my life, it's quite ironic that I find the uncertainty of sporting events so damn appealing. They provide unscripted drama on a daily basis, and unlike watching the news, I actually feel like there's something to gain.
Gains, you say? Why yes - I'm a gambler. As a wise man once said, you're only a degenerate if you lose. Genius, really. But as a wiser man once said, "There are many harsh lessons to be learned from the gambling experience, but the harshest one of all is the difference between having fun and being smart."
And by Gonzo, that couldn't be more true. I have just one rule when it comes to gambling: never bet more than you're willing to lose. Otherwise that takes the fun out of it, and having fun is the reason why I'm here in the first place. As it so happens, I win more than I lose! If you'll excuse me, I need to knock on some wood.
At any rate, my editor has been hounding me to publish another fine piece of journalism, so I figured I should write about what I did the most this year - watching sports. I was captivated from the comfort of my couch for most of these, but for some, I was lucky enough to physically be in attendance! Oh, and in case you hadn't noticed, here at the Espo Experience we do things a little differently. Lists of ten are trite, alliteration is alluring, and 8 (KOBE!) is a great number, so let's roll with it. As the inimitable Bruce Buffer often says, "iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit's tiiiiime!"
ESPO'S EXCELLENT EIGHT, Volume I: The 8 Best Sporting Events of the Year 2021
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#8: Mets vs Pirates. July 12th. Pittsburgh.
You might be wondering what the hell a random regular season game between two mediocre baseball clubs is doing on the list. This game was important for a number of reasons, the last of which was the Mets losing on a walk-off grand slam. Or maybe it was them blowing a six-run lead in a rare instance in which I bet on them. Or maybe it was because my comrade and I drove over five hours in a partial monsoon to get there. No big deal.
As a general fan of offensive firepower, this game was a dream to attend, but as a diehard Mets fan, that dream would soon turn into a nightmare. Even though my team blew it in trademark fashion, the game was well worth the price of admission. Just another day at the ballpark, I suppose.
It was almost as worthy as the robust Reuben I ravaged at Primanti Brothers before the game. They may have just saved my life.
#7: Jets vs Bengals, The Mike White Game. October 31st. The Meadowlands.
Wins for my New York Jets have been a hard thing to come by these last few years. As a result, I tend to be rather picky in picking games to go to. How fortunate I was, that this was the first NFL game I went to since that pesky pandemic started. It was undoubtedly the best game of the season for the Jets. Mike White, a journeyman quarterback making his starting debut, torched the Bengals to the tune of 400+ yards and 3 touchdowns. A spooky, surgical, sacrosanct showing it was. And in true Jets fashion, he got hurt the following week, threw 4 picks the week after, and hasn't been heard from since. Classic!
By the way, if you don't have a tailgate beforehand, did you even go to the game? I got a little Smashed in the morning, but I rallied, thanks to both breakfast and lunch from the real MVP of the day: Joe of Joe's Meat Market fame. A local hero purveyor, but more importantly, a local hero.
#6: Nets vs Bucks, Eastern Conference Semifinals, Game 7. June 19th. Brooklyn.
What if Kevin Durant's foot was behind the line on that last shot? What if Joey Buckets lived up to his name down the stretch? What if James Harden was at full strength? Kyrie? So many what ifs from this game and series for the Nets, unfortunately. Coulda. Woulda. Shoulda. Nothing is certain in sports, but it seemed like a lock that the winner of this series would go on to win the title. Well, here we are, with the Nets still waiting on that first 'chip, while The Greek Freak and Co. hold the throne. For now.
An absolute emotional roller coaster; it felt like Game 7 of the Finals because of the stakes. It would have been higher on the list had the good guys won, but alas. It was still by far and away the most thrilling NBA game of the year.
#5: The 92nd Annual Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest. July 4th. Coney Island.
Brady. Gretzky. Jordan. Names synonymous with greatness. And then there was the goated gullet of 'Jaws', aka Joey Chestnut. To be honest, the hot dog eating contest is a bit repulsive to watch, but at the same time, you'd be hard pressed to find anything more American. If eating 76 hot dogs isn't the textbook definition of excess consumption, I don't know what is. Here's a question: if you didn't bet on Joey Chestnut to break the world record (O 75.5 dogs), how can you even call yourself a true patriot?
#4: Polar Power at the Home Run Derby. July 12th, Denver.
Absolute moonshots from an absolute unit! My favorite Mets slugger, Pete Alonso, was locked in like I have never seen before. His 2019 Derby performance in Cleveland was rocking, but I had a feeling he would take it up a notch in the Mile High City. That first round alone was the stuff of legend. 35 home runs is simply godlike, I doubt I even could have done that in a video game. The Polar Bear was born to destroy baseballs, and destroy them he did; as the man himself said, "I am the bar."
Few things in this world excite me more than tape-measure home runs, and on this night, I witnessed nothing short of a masterclass. Here's to the eventual three-peat! (a three-pete, if you will)
#3: Justin Gaethje vs Michael Chandler, UFC 268. October 12th. Madison Square Garden.
I'm probably outing myself as a newcomer to UFC fanhood, but this might be one of the single greatest MMA fights I've ever witnessed. The fact that it took place at the World's Most Famous Arena only adds to its appeal. It was a sadist's dream, a bloody battle from start to finish, as fists and kicks were landing nonstop. According to Chandler, here is what Gaethje told him after the fight: "We were born in the wrong time. We should’ve been two gladiators fighting to the death." Let's book the Colosseum for the inevitable rematch!
#2: March Madness Semifinal, Gonzaga vs UCLA. April 3rd. Indianapolis.
Without question, the best basketball game I saw this year. UCLA, the Cinderella team of the tournament, was a near-fifteen point underdog coming in. Yet, they played what was the best team in the nation in Gonzaga (and undefeated at the time) down to the wire. The very last second, actually. It was a windshield wiper of a game, frantically back and forth at every moment; the pressure was palpable. And it culminated in this buzzer-beating prayer from half-court being answered. Truly madness.
Before we get to the grand finale, I figured this would be a good spot to rattle off some honorable mentions. Didn't quite make the cut, but still very memorable events:
- Jacob deGrom throws 15-K, complete-game shutout vs Nationals in April. Unfortunately it would be the highlight of his injury-plagued season, but I'd like to think deBest has yet to come.
- Iron Bowl, Alabama vs Auburn football. Quadruple overtime thriller? A heated Southern rivalry? Gotta show some love. And here's a free gambling tip: any time you want to count out Alabama, don't. QB Bryce Young earned his Heisman here. Roll Tide.
- The Scarlet Knights stun #1 Iowa with a half-court buzzer-beater from Ron Harper Jr. Pandemonium in Piscataway 2.0? Easily the best RU basketball game I've ever seen!
- The LA Chargers playing in primetime. Their recent games against the Steelers (41-37 W) and Chiefs (34-28 OT loss) were absolute bangers. Justin Herbert will run this league soon, book it.
- This punch. Usman sent Trashvidal to the shadow realm.
#1: The Field of Dreams Game. August 12th. Dyersville, Iowa.
'Perfection' is a term thrown around far too loosely in our society, but if there was one sporting event this year that met such a standard, it was this one. Not even Aaron Sorkin could have written a script this perfect. Incredible production on the part of MLB and Fox, with stunning aesthetics abound, topped off by a crisp summer sunset that could have been in the Field of Dreams movie itself. Lest we forget the abundant amount of amazing Midwestern corn. And just for kicks, I won roughly $200 on my bets. Thank you Jose Abreu. Thank you Aaron Judge. And thank you Tim Anderson. But the best part of all? Tell 'em, Papi.
Just kidding, I'm not THAT petty. The real reason this game was the best, other than it being wildly entertaining, was the fact that it brought me immense joy in what was a trying time. I was in my first week of quarantining after testing positive for Covid, and let me tell you, I was fucking miserable. I felt like I had been sick forever and was going to stay sick forever. Losing my taste buds was hellish. I wouldn't wish it upon anybody - not even Rob Manfred. Well, that night, I sat down on my couch and watched all nine innings, and afterwards, I felt like I was me again.
The baseball field has long been my safe haven. This game brought that and then some. So thank you Yankees and White Sox, thank you Kevin Costner, and last but not least thank the ghost of Shoeless Joe Jackson.
What will 2022 have in store for us? Unfortunately, it can't be a Jets Super Bowl, mathematically speaking. Well, Theoi Gymnastikoi, if you're listening, please give me a championship for my beloved/longsuffering Mets and Nets. It's been 84 years. Almost.
Sports do matter. They always have, and always will. I'm never going to apologize for spending my free time how I see fit: watching, talking, reading, writing, playing (and sometimes eating) sports. It's all I've ever known and all I'll ever need. So let's keep on playing ball.
-Espo
P.S.
"The road to Easy Street goes through the sewer." - John Madden