THE ESPO EXPERIENCE, Vol. 1
Big Al and Frank the Tank Do Kansas City
FRIDAY, Aug. 24
No summer is complete without the pilgrimage that my father and I take to a new American city just about every year. It has been our collective goal to catch a baseball game at all 30 major league parks, and we've come a long way since we started - we're already at 21!
Seeing a live game is always a great experience (unless it's the Mets), but what makes the trip even more worthwhile is that we do so much beyond the stadium. Food and drink are equally important elements, as well as catching all the different sights each city has to offer, both well-travelled and off the beaten path.
I've had my sights set on our vacation to Kansas City for quite some time. I can't even begin to tell you how burnt out I've felt over the last few months, so a lengthy respite from work was a welcome sight.
I stayed out late the night before our flight, and this proved to be a costly error. I didn't leave myself enough time to pack and thus forgot an essential travel item: headphones. That meant no Sinatra for takeoff, and even worse, no sanctuary from the insufferable infant sitting behind me, who was wailing all flight long. It's not an ideal way to travel.
It was a rough few hours, but there would be light at the end of the tunnel. In our case, the light would be a renowned barbeque joint and a world-class craft brewery. Name a better duo, I'll wait.
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| Old School Cool |
We knew we were in for a real treat once we noticed the line was out the door. Though the entire menu was full of mouthwatering options, there was one sandwich to rule them all: The Z-Man Sandwich. Slow-smoked beef brisket, smoked provolone cheese, topped with two crispy onion rings, on a toasted Kaiser roll. I'll say no more.
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| Few words can describe its sublimity, but maybe this picture can |
I definitely could have eaten another but I wanted to save room for our next destination: Boulevard Brewing Company. We hit the road, and before long, took flight. No, it wasn't another shitty United Airlines flight, rather, a beer flight. It is undoubtedly "the move" at any craft brewery - Bob 47, 80 Acre, The Calling, and Tank 7 were some pretty unique styles that Boulevard offered, and they had even more distinct tastes. If you want my full review, here's an Untappd resource.
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| Boulevard Bros |
Hmmm...beer.
We would visit two more breweries as our hoptastic voyage through the night entered its next phase. Border Brewing Company and Double Shift Brewing were two perfect venues for drinking in the Crossroads district of the city. Don't worry, we made sure to drink plenty of water in between rounds. But then drank more beer after. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
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| Taking Flight @ Border |
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| A new friend I made on the street |
Saturday, Aug. 25
This particular Saturday was fruitful for plenty of reasons, some expected, and others unexpected. Barbeque, beer, and baseball were of course the main attractions, but plenty more went on in between.
After an invigorating continental breakfast at the Comfort Inn, my father and I checked out the World War I Memorial, and we got more than we bargained for - in the way best way possible. We got to travel back in time, thanks to a regiment of reenactors and historians who stationed themselves on the grounds of one of the more remarkable monuments I've been fortunate enough to see.
The exhibitions we saw were fantastic, my favorites of which included a rather jovial medic who lectured on all the different medical procedures soldiers had to endure back in the war. An Italian infantryman shared the story of Francesco Baracca, the greatest ace in their Air Force. He had 34 victories before ultimately meeting his demise on decision #35. A mali estremi, estremi rimedi.
After an invigorating continental breakfast at the Comfort Inn, my father and I checked out the World War I Memorial, and we got more than we bargained for - in the way best way possible. We got to travel back in time, thanks to a regiment of reenactors and historians who stationed themselves on the grounds of one of the more remarkable monuments I've been fortunate enough to see.
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| I know what it looks like, but it's a memorial |
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| Doctor's Orders, 1916 (Colorized) |
Our quest for knowledge continued with our next stop, the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum. It was a poignant experience, learning about not just some of the great baseball players of history, but great social pioneers as well. An essential visit for any lover of the game!
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| Unfortunately, the coolest bench in the world was not for sale |
Succeeding our stop for suds was lunch at another great 'que spot, B.B.'s Lawnside BBQ and we sure got high on the hog. We actually didn't eat pig, surprisingly, but I really wanted to write that. Sorry. Moving on.
To be perfectly honest, the food was good but not the best we would have on the trip. It's probably our fault since we ordered catfish instead of the combo platter, a regret I shall forever bear. B.B.'s brought itself back into our good graces, though, with a downright rambunctious atmosphere - thanks in large part to Mama Rae. A glorious woman who had to be 80 years old, she delivered an ELECTRIFYING performance singing the blues, with a great backing band to boot. A KC legend.
After our habitual breather back at the hotel, it was time for the preeminent event of the trip - baseball! We set course for Kauffman Stadium, home of the Royals, the team that of course beat my beloved and beleaguered Metropolitans just three years ago in the Series. Mets gonna Met.
When planning to attend any sporting event, always consult the team's promotional schedule for the best giveaways. As both diligence and luck would have it, it was bobblehead night at the stadium, but the ultimate freebie was the free bacon strips a local market was sampling. Was it a gift from the porky providence of the Midwest?
As for the game, Corey Kluber pitched for first-place Cleveland against a last place team in Kansas City, which would portend a virtuoso performance, right? Negative - it turned out as one of his worst starts of the season, as the Royals handled the Indians ace with ease, 7-1, with former Met Lucas Duda leading the way with a home run. Yay sports!
After the game, we went to the Westport District and wandered about town for a while before downing a couple of pints at a local bar. Following that, and perhaps missing the pleasures of home, we munched on a couple giant slices of pizza at Papa Keno's. In my merry state of mind and haste to enjoy my pizza, I forgot to photograph the experience and upload to social media. So did it ever really happen? The agida I got from it would indicate so.
I caught the Top 10 Plays on SportsCenter when we got back to our room just before passing out. I forgot what the #1 play was, but I did not forget how great the day was.
After our habitual breather back at the hotel, it was time for the preeminent event of the trip - baseball! We set course for Kauffman Stadium, home of the Royals, the team that of course beat my beloved and beleaguered Metropolitans just three years ago in the Series. Mets gonna Met.
When planning to attend any sporting event, always consult the team's promotional schedule for the best giveaways. As both diligence and luck would have it, it was bobblehead night at the stadium, but the ultimate freebie was the free bacon strips a local market was sampling. Was it a gift from the porky providence of the Midwest?
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| 2015 World Series Trophy, which I am still salty about |
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| Views from the K |
I caught the Top 10 Plays on SportsCenter when we got back to our room just before passing out. I forgot what the #1 play was, but I did not forget how great the day was.
Sunday, Aug. 26
Sleeping in is one of the great joys in my life, and those extra Z's were certainly needed after a whirlwind last few days. It would only be a matter of time, though, before we went back to our "vices" of barbeque and breweries.
Continuing our tradition of going out for breakfast once per trip, we crossed the border into Kansas headed for RJ's Bob-Be-Que Shack, in search of greatness, and satiation. With the stakes high, and steaks hopefully hot, would it live up to the hype?
The answer would be a resounding YES. The tone was set early when Dad ordered a Bloody Mary with bacon in it to start off the meal. It was cooked to a perfect crisp, but the flavor of the drink itself was a taste akin to trying a Warhead candy. I can understand how many people enjoy them, but it ain't my cup of tea, or in this case, vodka.
At our server's suggestion, I combined the southern bbq sauce and the habanero sauce, and the bites that ensued did not disappoint. She also hooked us up with free muffins and cinnamon rolls, as if we needed more to eat. RJ's showed us great hospitality, and even better food. To summarize my thoughts more concisely, I defer to this video.
After our patented postmeal nap back at the hotel, a "Bird 'N Brew" tour was engineered (well, all it took was a few well-phrased internet searches, but just go with it). We rented electric scooters and stopped at a series of - you guessed it - breweries, and for some mystical reason, each ride became more difficult with each subsequent round. Go figure.
After an hour or so of riding around looking for the elusive first beer, we stopped at a local watering hole, Ruins Pub. I downed a much-needed pint in the back of an old VW bus. Groovy.
Our next saunter brought us to Casual Animal, a microbrewery that surely lived up to its motto, "Laid back beers that turn into your wild side." It was a cool spot, to say the least: plenty of unique artwork, free peanuts, and some bitchin' tunes. A real Brooklyn feel to it.
I would be remiss if I did not mention my father knocking over a large potted plant upon exiting the brewery, so on behalf of him, I apologize to the community. He probably made it worse, but to illustrate his good intentions, he tried to pick up the fallen soil and put it back into the pot. A for effort.
We concluded our taproom tour at Strange Days Brewing, and unfortunately Jim Morrison was not tending bar. Fortunately, the Mango Habanero Gose was an elite beverage, because it tasted like a combination of my two greatest loves, beer and wings. An outstanding, full-bodied flavor with a spicy finish, it was without a doubt the best beer of the trip.
Keeping up with the theme of excessive consumption, we had reservations at one of the city's premier barbeque establishments, Q39. I was expecting it would be one of the finest meals of all time, but not without with an equally powerful food coma. These thoughts were affirmed.
Sleeping in is one of the great joys in my life, and those extra Z's were certainly needed after a whirlwind last few days. It would only be a matter of time, though, before we went back to our "vices" of barbeque and breweries.
Continuing our tradition of going out for breakfast once per trip, we crossed the border into Kansas headed for RJ's Bob-Be-Que Shack, in search of greatness, and satiation. With the stakes high, and steaks hopefully hot, would it live up to the hype?
The answer would be a resounding YES. The tone was set early when Dad ordered a Bloody Mary with bacon in it to start off the meal. It was cooked to a perfect crisp, but the flavor of the drink itself was a taste akin to trying a Warhead candy. I can understand how many people enjoy them, but it ain't my cup of tea, or in this case, vodka.
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| Frank the Tank drinks spirits for breakfast #rolemodel |
Making a rational(?) decision to abstain from a morning cocktail, I opted for the burnt ends hash, and it was as delicious as it sounds. Perfectly smoked brisket ends with a tender, juicy taste, this magnum opus of meats was simply one of the most wonderful dishes I've ever had.
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| The most important meal of the day |
After our patented postmeal nap back at the hotel, a "Bird 'N Brew" tour was engineered (well, all it took was a few well-phrased internet searches, but just go with it). We rented electric scooters and stopped at a series of - you guessed it - breweries, and for some mystical reason, each ride became more difficult with each subsequent round. Go figure.
After an hour or so of riding around looking for the elusive first beer, we stopped at a local watering hole, Ruins Pub. I downed a much-needed pint in the back of an old VW bus. Groovy.
Our next saunter brought us to Casual Animal, a microbrewery that surely lived up to its motto, "Laid back beers that turn into your wild side." It was a cool spot, to say the least: plenty of unique artwork, free peanuts, and some bitchin' tunes. A real Brooklyn feel to it.
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| Keeping it casual at Casual Animal |
We concluded our taproom tour at Strange Days Brewing, and unfortunately Jim Morrison was not tending bar. Fortunately, the Mango Habanero Gose was an elite beverage, because it tasted like a combination of my two greatest loves, beer and wings. An outstanding, full-bodied flavor with a spicy finish, it was without a doubt the best beer of the trip.
Keeping up with the theme of excessive consumption, we had reservations at one of the city's premier barbeque establishments, Q39. I was expecting it would be one of the finest meals of all time, but not without with an equally powerful food coma. These thoughts were affirmed.
When I saw the words "best wings on the planet", I of course had to oblige. To say that these crispy, colossal chickens blew B-Dubs and Co. out of the water would be an understatement. They were unequivocally the best wings that this connoisseur has ever had the pleasure of clogging his arteries with.
After a small bowl of salad to cleanse the palate, it was showtime once THE JUDGE'S PLATTER arrived. A competition dinner plate consisting of spare ribs, pulled pork, smoked sausage, it was the stuff of any foodie's fantasy. We didn't forget the sides of baked beans and 'slaw, another KC staple!
I am ashamed to admit that I couldn't finish it, but whatever guilt I felt would thankfully subside the following day, when the leftovers would be put to good use. "A penny rib saved is a penny earned rib eaten tomorrow" - Ben Franklin.
We walked around as long as we could after dinner to aid the digestive process, but once we hit our beds, we had reached the point of no return - the dreaded food coma. We submitted to our satanic stomachs and went channel surfing on the tube before drifting off into a blissful, pork-induced slumber.
After a small bowl of salad to cleanse the palate, it was showtime once THE JUDGE'S PLATTER arrived. A competition dinner plate consisting of spare ribs, pulled pork, smoked sausage, it was the stuff of any foodie's fantasy. We didn't forget the sides of baked beans and 'slaw, another KC staple!
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| Not bad |
We walked around as long as we could after dinner to aid the digestive process, but once we hit our beds, we had reached the point of no return - the dreaded food coma. We submitted to our satanic stomachs and went channel surfing on the tube before drifting off into a blissful, pork-induced slumber.
Monday, Aug. 27
In a predictable turn of events, I was still pretty stuffed from the prior evening's feast. A light breakfast was self-imposed. I wanted to be as aerodynamic as possible for the day's big activity - GO APE Kansas City. Earlier in the trip, I saw an ad for it on online, and as soon as we read "exhilarating obstacle course throughout a forest canopy", we were hooked and subsequently, booked.
In a predictable turn of events, I was still pretty stuffed from the prior evening's feast. A light breakfast was self-imposed. I wanted to be as aerodynamic as possible for the day's big activity - GO APE Kansas City. Earlier in the trip, I saw an ad for it on online, and as soon as we read "exhilarating obstacle course throughout a forest canopy", we were hooked and subsequently, booked.
Go Ape was an exhilarating experience, to say the least. Of course there were plenty of intense obstacles high in the trees, but the real fun was conquering my fear of heights (I think, I'll have to test this via Nitro). There were plenty of trapezes, bridges, ziplines, and ladders, among other things. I'm glad I was in good shape otherwise I wouldn't have finished the course. Endorphins!
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| We did it! |
So much for that BBQ break. Upon returning to the Comfort Inn, I got redemption from last night's early surrender. I inhaled the rest of my leftovers and they tasted almost as good as they did the night before. Watching Casino in the background only added to my good time - spare ribs and De Niro are a formidable duo and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Fast forward one hour later, and we found ourselves at a familiar spot - yet another brewery. Flights were had at both Cinder Block Brewery and Calibration Brewery, two sweet spots on the other side of the bridge in North Kansas City. I swear we're not alcoholics, we just really like good beer!
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| It's just good beer is all |
We decided to close out our evening with what we thought was our last purchase, ice cream at Betty Rae's! I opted for a milkshake, albeit with an interesting flavor - cereal milk. It even came with fruity pebbles in it! After our supposed final act of gluttony, I was ready to call it a night, and a trip, for that matter. We would not go gentle into that good night.
An idyllic vacation was capped off at the Green Lady Lounge, a revered jazz bar in downtown Kansas City. A kind of place you might imagine in a film noir, it was dimly lit with a subtle shade of red on the walls, bustling bartenders in black suits, and of course, plenty of jazz bands in jive. A real classy joint it was.
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| Groovin' |
I could ruin the end of this story by telling you how terrible our flight home was (@ crying babies), but I won't. Let's just end it on a high note, and what better way to do that with some actual high notes?
So long, Kansas City. May your barbeque ovens burn in perpetuity, and your beer taps never run dry. I don't know if or when we'll meet again, but it sure was a hell of a ride.